Self-determination not apply to Falklands say Argentinians of european descent

A group of Argentinian citizens of European descent have claimed that the principle of self-determination does not apply to the people of the Falkland Islands.

According to Argentinian Residents of South European Descendent (ARSED), the people of the Falkland Islands are 'artificially implanted'. This is completely different to the people of Argentina who presumably evolved naturally from the fertile pampas over millions of years.

One spokesperson for ARSED is Adolpho Mengele, a descendant of Germans who arrived in the mid to late 1940s. Mr Mengele told the OMS that the British origin and identity of the Falkland Islanders meant they were 'settlers'. However, Argentinians from Italian, Spanish or German descent were 'migrants', a completely different concept he claimed.

His arguments were supported by his two old drinking buddies Miguel Franco and Paolo Mussolini. They insisted the Falklands represented colonialism, while Argentina represented anti-colonialism, despite struggling to explain where Argentina's overwhelmingly European population had actually come from.

The claim by ARSED that the Falklanders do not have the right of self-determination has been supported by the UN committee on decolonisation comprised of Iran, Syria, North Korea and other vibrant healthy democracies you'd be happy to send your kids to.

The Secretary of ARSED, Mr Hermann Eichmann, has previously claimed that Argentina should expand its territorial claims to include Australia, New Zealand, Japan and Africa.

An invited guest speaker was leading Irish republican Bobby Sins, who previously tried to bomb Britain out of Northern Ireland. He told ARSED that geography always overrides self-determination.

"Small islands naturally belong to whichever larger landmass is nearby" he told cheering supporters without any sense of irony or awareness whatsoever.

After finishing his steak, Sins recommended a hunger strike as a strategy likely to convince the British Government to give in to Argentinian demands.

Another visiting speaker was Scottish independence campaigner Juan Kerr. He condemned the "dangerous doctrine" of self-determination before explaining why Scotland should exercise that right as many times as necessary to get the right result.

He left to cheers as the crowd sung his name 'Juan Kerr, Juan Kerr'.