How to be a male feminist

People often approach me and ask ‘Neil, how I do become a feminist’?

The questioner is well-meaning, and I’ve often struggled to know how best to respond.

Since the question gets asked so often, I thought it was necessary to put pen to paper and develop a ‘how to’ guide for how ‘to become a feminist’ or alternatively ‘how to be a better feminist’.

Understandably, the rules differ for men and women, and I’m keen to teach either (but particularly women between the ages of 19 and 24).

Perhaps it’s easier to begin with a metaphor.

For me, feminism is like the force in Star Wars. It affects all of us, it flows all around us, but only the truly enlightened can really grasp it.

After years of deep feminist practice, I have now reached jedi master status and want to use this status to train young padawans, sort of like a Yoda of feminism…..

Being a feminist isn’t just something I am-it’s something I do. Like breathing, or correcting people about obscure historical events at dinner parties.

It’s a noun, verb and adjective all in one. You must be a ‘feminist’ but also ensure that you ‘feminist’ in a ‘feminist’ way. That may sound obscure or convoluted, but it’s something I will take you through if you subscribe to my course (link), for the moderate cost of £5,000 per person (non-refundable).

As a straight white man, I know I am uniquely placed to actually lead the discussion about women’s rights, not in an overpowering way, obviously, but more like a… guiding hand. A Gandalf of gender if you like…..

This is necessary because often women are particularly bad at getting feminism, and this provides a great opportunity for men to come in. This is where the good men come in, or the nice guys as I like to describe us.

The truth is that most men are still cavemen dragging their knuckles across laminated Wetherspoons menus. But I’m different. I read Judith Bulter at university, where I was also the only male at the university feminist club.

I have been the only man at women’s ‘reclaim the night’ marches more times than I can remember. Women often look at me with curiosity at these meetings; I would smile and wave back to reassure them (and pass them a note with my phone number on it so they can follow up if needed).

Just last week, I attended a poetry night exclusively for women of colour (generously presenting some of my own stuff). Again, I was the only man there. I left early, but the intention was there. And that’s the first lesson. What matters is intent and showing it.

This is the first and most important lesson – showing up and telling people you are doing it.

Standing up and saying ‘I am a feminist’ goes a long way towards winning the battle. It’s something I do as often as I can, and recommend you start of this way, firstly in private but then doing it in public, often as publicly as possible.

Just saying it to yourself in front of the mirror is a good start. It will take you some time until you are comfortable walking up to random women on the street, in the pubs or on the dance floor and opening with ‘I am a feminist’, but every marathon starts with a first step.

A good tip is to strongly emphasise the ‘I’, then given a slightly lower emphasis on the ‘am’ with ‘a feminist’ tailoring off naturally.

In addition to verbalising this, there are clothes you can wear to demonstrate this, as shown by the two absolute studs below:

As a side-project, I’ve developed what I call a ‘feminist cap’, which I like to wear when a t-shirt is not weather-appropriate. You can buy them here, with all funds going to support my feminist activities.

These are available in blue for boys and pink for girls.

There’s even a range of underpants I’ve been designing as a side-business, so if the above fashion choices get you get lucky with a girl, you can then seal the deal.

Social media is an excellent tool for advertising your feminist credentials, allowing you to state that you are a feminist in your name, title or even your handle. This reassures women of your good intentions and embarrasses other men into doing the same.

You can use your email signature of the same effect, adding ‘FEMINIST’ (written in pink) underneath the obligatory he/him. No other men in the office do this, and neither do the women. The women are clearly awe-struck as none of them have spoken to me since.

There are some other simple methods you can use. Firstly, always carry a piece of feminist literature around with you. It could be ‘The Second Sex’ by Simone de Beauvoir, ‘Everyday Sexism’ by Laura Bates, ‘Statecraft’ by Margaret Thatcher or ‘or ‘Fifty Shades’ by E.L. James.

Make sure its visible in your pocket as you walk, open it on the bus, or put it on your desk in the office.

Obviously, you don’t need to actually read the content, and you can even just have the cover of such literature and have something you want to read underneath. I tend to use it as a cover for a top-shelf magazines like ‘Hot New Teens’ or ‘Barely Legal’.

I’ve always said it: being a man is the easiest thing in the world. But being a good man? That is serious work, as I will explain in my upcoming track ‘The day I did the dishes’, to be released on Spotify soon.

And it’s work I’ve decided to take on, not for myself, but for you — the women I’m here to support, uplift, and occasionally explain feminism to, when required.

This article is just the start of a ten-part series to guide women into ‘being better feminists’, or for men to ‘become a better ally’.

Although males are the core audience, women are very welcome to read it too, and I particularly look forward to comments from women about the content in these articles. Believe me, you are the ones I treasure (❤️).

Unfortunately, although this little teaser article is free, I will be charging for access for subsequent articles. This is necessary to finance further work to undermine the patriarchy, helping women become feminists and men become better allies.

Specifically, I am planning a solo trip to Thailand and the Philippines this autumn to promote feminist ideology to young vulnerable women.

If you enjoyed this article and want to support my valuable endeavours, please subscribe here or buy us a coffee here

Here is a teaser of coming articles:

How to support women’s football: A male feminists guide

The day I did the dishes: In which I tell the true story behind it, and why I decided to inspire other men by pulling out my guitar and singing about it – my new track ‘The day I did the dishes’.

All the women: Why, I, a male feminist, support trans rights.