Why I drive on the right as a statement against Brexit

There comes a point in every serious European’s life when symbolic gestures are no longer enough.

Posting a Ukrainian flag emoji.

Having 'FBPE' in your social media profile.

Correcting strangers’ pronunciation of "croissant."

Quietly sighing when someone orders sparkling water instead of San Pellegrino.

These things are essential, but as we have seen not sufficient. Eventually, one must escalate.

That is why, as we approach the tenth anniversary of the catastrophic national self-harm event known as Brexit, I have made a conscious decision to embark on a personal rebellion which I hope to see replicated by my fellow Pro-EU citizens across Britain:

Driving on the right-hand side of the road.

This may sound a simple gesture. Even tokenistic. But the cultural and practical implications of this act can have a ripple effect across British society.

It is the ultimate expression of my identity, my way of stating to the world that 'I AM A EUROPEAN', something they can never take away from me.

I didn’t vote Leave. Nor did anyone I know personally, which I am very proud of. In the circles I move in, the referendum result therefore came as an enormous shock, rather like discovering that the staff at Pret have formed a militia.

For years I have tried to process the trauma.

Not long after the referendum, I travelled to Tuscany. The locals could sense my anguish immediately. One waiter placed a hand on my shoulder and whispered, “So sorry about Boris Johnson.” I nearly wept into my burrata.

That moment changed me.

I realised Europe was not merely a political arrangement. It was an identity. A feeling. Personally, I have always felt more European than British. Britain is simply where my townhouse happens to be.

And so I resolved that I would never fully comply with the provincial little island mentality imposed upon us by the Brexit generation.

I would resist.

I would be our Sarah Connor, toiling away alone for decades.

I would be our Luke Skywalker, leading an assault on the Death Star.

Resistance began with little subtleties. I stopped referring to holidays and began calling them “summer migrations.” I switched from tea to tiny coffees. I stopped using deodorant.

But it was not enough.

These were all little individual acts, impacting no one but myself (and those poor souls sharing my personal space).

I began to explore my European identity, intent on bringing the continent to Britain, if Britain was so determined to leave the continent. I installed EU plugs and EU mixer taps in my home, and in my extensive portfolio of rental properties.

Now, every morning, I perform what I refer to as 'my continental act of conscience'.

Upon leaving the driveway, I pull onto the right-hand side of the road with the quiet dignity I imagine Rosa Parks possessed when remaining seated. I approach the open road with the steely fortitude of Gandhi dismantling British rule in India.

Sometimes other drivers scream abuse. Sometimes they gesture aggressively. Once, outside Swindon, a white van man threw a Greggs sausage roll at my windscreen.

Every day I get the same anguished call - "You are on the wrong side of the road"

Everyday I give the same smug retort - "But, I am on the right side of history"

Naturally, this has caused some friction.

The police, describe my behaviour as “dangerous,” “criminally irresponsible,” and “the direct cause of the six-car pile-up outside Guildford.” But what these lackeys of the Brexit British state fail to understand is that the pursuit of the European project is more than worth the inconvenience. Especially when it is inflicted upon others.

The endurance of short-term pain for long-term gain is a fundamental part of the European project. Teaching British people this is my fundamental duty towards my continent.

Behavioural psychology has long demonstrated the ripple effects of non-conformity within enclosed communal spaces, particularly lifts. One individual turning the 'wrong' way in a lift causes immediate discomfort to those around them. When a critical mass of people look the 'wrong' way, it has a ripple effect with other residents in the lift turning to join them.

This is what I intend to achieve by my gesture, and it is why I ask all Britons of right-mind to join me in my principled protest.

Alongside the EU flag prominently displayed on my windscreen, rooftop, side windows and boot, I have adopted the American custom of 'bumper stickers', with mine saying 'If you're right, then drive right' and 'drive right back into Europe'.

I will never submit to the politics of resentment, particularly when its loudest advocates look like extras from Planet of the Apes and think Nando’s counts as continental culture. Brexit exposed a profound cultural divide between those who own passports and those who use them primarily for package holidays in Tenerife.

And yes, I admit there is sacrifice involved. Insurance premiums are a nightmare. My neighbours avoid me studiously. My children no longer speak to me after what the tabloids insist on calling “the Folkestone Rotary Incident.”

I've been warned that I may end up taking a life, but I find reassurance in the knowledge that the victims final moment on earth will be seeing the prominent EU flag on my windscreen.

Ultimately, social progress has always demanded courage.

The suffragettes chained themselves to railings. Nelson Mandela endured prison. I continue driving directly into opposing traffic outside Reading.

The faithful hand of history will be my judge, but I predict that one day my stance will earn me the European equivalent of 'righteous amongst the nations'.

Of course, my protest will not reverse Brexit overnight. The British public remain stubbornly attached to quaint ideas like sovereignty, democracy and road safety.

But I will always believe there is hope.

Every time another furious motorist swerves into a hedge to avoid me, a conversation begins. Questions are asked. Assumptions challenged.

Is this safe? Perhaps not.

Is it unbearably self-righteous? Possibly.

But then so is Europe.

And that, ultimately, is why I continue to drive on the right.

And that is why you should join me too.