A man who lived a long time ago had views which were commonplace then

TW: May contain distressing references to events which took place centuries before you were born. 

Historians have confirmed that it is ‘highly likely’ that an individual who lived a long time ago had views which were common at the time. 

Dr Adrian Loser, Professor of Colonial Studies, Culture War College, Hackney, led the research and announced this startling outcome in a press release, which he posted on X, BlueSky, Facebook, LinkedIn, in the street using a loudspeaker and possibly attached it to a carrier pigeon too. 

The well-regarded history podcast “Colonialism occurred” has already launched an emergency podcast. Professor Abet Ofaprat from the Grievance Department of the School of Oriental and African Studies told podcast listeners:

“This confirms our darkest fears. A man who lived a very long time ago did indeed have views which were commonplace during the era in which he lived”. 

It transpires that the man expressed concern about the presence of women in the workplace. He also quesioned whether non-white races—which, living in seventeenth-century England, he had almost certainly never encountered in person—had the same moral value as white people such as himself.

He may also have been Eurosceptic.  

The Director of the Office of Moral Superiority, Sir Gus Lighter, declared “it’s important to always highlight the cruelties of pre-1997 Britain, preferably all day every day”. 

This will undoubtedly horrify modern audiences, and it’s quite right that we as a society should make amends for the views of a man who died several centuries ago. 

PhD student Perpetua Indignatia, currently undertaking a doctorate in "The contribution of mansplaining to the Holocaust" is leading a student campaign to remove all references to the individual concerned. She told the OMS:

"We should remove his name* from the schools and hospitals he created. We should certainly keep the schools and hospitals, but they should be renamed after a modern hero with appropriate views like Germaine Greer, Zarah Sultana or Zack Polanski. Or maybe something really original like Nelson Mandela."

Professor Loser and Ofaprat are planning to collaborate on a new academic research project, exploring support for pride month and respect for trans identities in pre-Victorian England.

*for safeguarding reasons, this article does not repeat the name of the individual concerned but confirm that he died over three hundred years ago.