Gay pride and Orangemen to unite to ‘march for the unions’

This summer Belfast will witness an unprecedented act of cross-community cooperation, as the Orange Order and Pride campaigners announce a joint parade through the city centre.

Traditionally the two groups have held separate marches throughout July, a pattern which has dramatically increased policing costs and forced Belfast businesses to close on multiple occasions.

This year organisers have agreed to combine their efforts into one single march on July 10th, provisionally titled “The March for the Unions.”

Organisers say the name cleverly reflects both Ulster unionism and the wider celebration of human unions — although some participants admitted they were still unclear which union they were supposed to be defending.

Although the alliance may surprise some ignorant observers, Dr Lana Backwoods, Professor of Northern Ireland Politics at the University of Belfast told the OMS that there are plenty of overlapping areas:

“Both groups like annoying the rest of the population with loud street parades, especially whilst wearing silly clothes. They both prefer the company of other men and have a historic antagonism to the catholic church. They both believe in unions and have historically been seen as eccentric by mainstream society.”

Young gay rights campaigners, Ben Dover and Phil McCracken, were enthusiastic about the ‘union of unions’ as it’s been described.

“We both love men,” Ben explained. “They’re very into a Dutchman called William, which I completely understand. I was in Amsterdam last year and I also spent several memorable nights with a Dutch guy called William.”

Phil, a Spokesperson for the Belfast LGBTQIXYZ² alliance, told the OMS:

“There’s something deeply erotic about that stiff, ceremonial masculinity. All those drums, the marching, the discipline… and those white gloves. On a practical level they’re extremely useful.”

Senior Orangeman Billy Hardcastle also welcomed the cooperation.

“We’ve always been proud of our traditions,” he told the OMS. “Marching with men, singing with men, spending long evenings with men in the lodge. When you think about it, we’ve had a lot in common with these Pride lads all along.”

Local Catholic Priest, Anthony Bigot, said the ‘alliance of sodemy’ made sense to him:

“Both organisations have a habit of going where they are not wanted and waving their identity in your face when you really want them to do what they do in private. At least now we’ll only have to suffer on one day per year”

Organisers say the parade will feature traditional Orange Order bands alongside Pride floats, although negotiations are ongoing about whether the final stop should be outside Belfast City Hall or the nearest cocktail bar.

Either way, organisers insist the event will demonstrate that Northern Ireland’s communities can still come together, provided they are all marching in the same direction.

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