Labour MP to stand down to allow a challenge to Andy Burnham

A Labour MP has resigned their seat in what appears to be a plot to bring in a rival candidate to replace Andy Burnham as Prime Minister.

Peter File MP, elected in 2024 to represent the constituency of South Someplaceton has applied to the office of 'Crown Steward and Bailiff of the The Chiltern Hundreds', the ancient and formal manner in which MPs are expected to resign.

David Miliband, the charismatic and wildly popular former Foreign Secretary, who has spent the last decade as a 'hunky humanitarian' in New York, is seen by hundreds of Labour MPs as the man to recover Labour's fortunes.

Gus Lighter, a former Director of Communications to Tony Blair and seasoned Labour party operative, told the OMS:

"For decades now, David Miliband has been the solution to all our problems. If he'd won in 2010, Labour would have won the election in 2015, stopped Brexit, prevented covid and likely achieved technological singularity"

Backbench Labour MP, Anne Tagonist, who previously backed Andy Burnham to re-enter parliament and take the leadership told the OMS:

"We have given Andy a chance but we need someone fresh to revive our fortunes. David is the king over the water, and the natural fresh face this country needs at this time.

The fact he has not lived in the UK in over a decade only helps his case. He cannot be held accountable for anything at all.

It would also really piss off Ed Miliband"