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Following the cancellation of “Star Trek: Academy” amid criticism of its ‘woke’ storylines and unrelatable characters, the owners of the Star Trek franchise have announced a new Star Trek, the 13th edition of the franchise in total.

In the latest desperate attempt to “reset” UK-EU relations, the Prime Minister has offered the historic ‘right of the first night’, an ancient tradition in which feudal lords were entitled to bed newly married brides, to the EU in return for UK citizens receiving e-gate access at EU airports.